Conversations With Small Children

From the mouths of babes…

Month: May, 2012

Season 4: Episode 4.10: Black Plague

At the end of a long day the small children are upstairs in their room. After playing 2 rounds of Candyland, reading 5 stories and singing several lullabies, they’re finally asleep. The mother barely cralws into bed. She reads her book. She turns out the light. She sleeps for about an hour. It is now 2 AM. And a crying child comes into her room. Donning her SuperMommy cape she assess the situation. Mother determines the small child is sick. Assumes second child will also become sick within… about a half hour. She cleans up the first small child, put the small child in new PJ’s, strips the sheets, remakes the bed, pats the small child’s back, rub the small child’s tummy, give a little kiss on the head (carefully avoiding any germies), helps the small child brush teeth to get yucky tastes out and put the small child back in bed.
20 mins later, same child is crying… sick again.
Repeat process.

She goes back to bed and reads because it’s only a matter of moments before she will have to do it all over again with the other small child. Sure enough… 2nd small child is sick. Repeat clean-up/wipe down/disinfection process ALL over again. 2nd small child needs bath and new PJ’s.  Mother  places towels on their pillows of the small children because it’s something her mother did when she was a small child. It made her feel better when she was sick. 2nd small child requests another story and “Twinkle Star” song. The small child whispers “Thank you mommy,” then drifts off to sleep again. And the mother thinks to herself , “No thanks are necessary young citizen, it’s all part of a days work for SuperMommy.” The mother hangs up her cape and slips back into the night. 15 mins later the 1st small child is awake again and crying. The cape is back on. Small Child 1 sick again. 2nd small child wakes up… also sick. Rough night. Mom still awake. And a new episode begins.

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse
 

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Rerun: Season 5: Episode 10.17 : Fire In The Hole!

Previously…  “Conversations With Small Children”

We find the family attending the morning church service. The mother is seated in the rear of the church in her usual pew with her two small girls who are about the age of 5. The small children from every family are being gathered at the front of the sanctuary for the Message for the Children. The two pastors are standing at the front of the church between the small children and the congregation wearing their pastoral robes. A large communion table with two tall pillar candles separates the pastors from their engrossed little friends.

One of the pastors begins telling a lovely story about God’s love and relating how the church is like a big family and he spreads his arms out wide over the communion table where the candles are flickering dangerously close to the polyester sleeve of his pastoral robe. One of the small children pipes up and says “Um… you’re going to catch your robe on fire.”

The mother joins the congregation in riotous laughter and is glad that there were no object lessons on how to be on fire for God. The small children are dismissed and skip off to Sunday School.

After the service the two small children are reunited with their mother. The mother inquires what the small child would have done had the pastor caught his robe on fire. The small child looks up from her post-Sunday School cookie and lemonade and says, “I would have told him to Stop, Drop and Roll!”

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

I’m not alone

Apparently I’m not the only one who has conversations with small children.

Season 7: Episode 5.29- The Lesson

On tonight’s episode of “Conversations With Small Children”-

Dinner is commencing in the living room for family movie night. The movie being shown is Race to Witch Mountain with everyone’s favorite actor in or out of the ring, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

On the plates are scoops of Cheesy Tuna Noodle Casserole and Garden Peas. The children are engrossed in dinner and the movie simultaneously. Or so it is believed.

The father speaks up and says, “I know why you like this so much. It has the Rock in it.”

One of the two small children looks up at the father, puts her fork down and says, “No, it has Tuna in it.”

Lesson learned…

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

Season 7: Episode 4.20 – History and too many commercials

Recently on “Conversations With Small Children”… the children are stuffed into a small rental car for a three hour drive to a movie shoot at a historic village with their mother. All is quiet in the back seat until about two and a half hours into the drive when one of the small children announces… “Mommy… When will we arrive at our destination?”. The mother giggles to herself a little. “In about a half an hour sweetie,” she says.
As they pull up to the hotel, conveniently placed directly across from a museum; both children plaster themselves to the window of the car facing the museum and scream. “MOM! LOOK!!!! HISTORY!!!!”

Mother beams with pride and says, “Yes dears, history.”

While at the movie shoot another family has their own episode of  “Conversations With Small Children”. The actors are lined up waiting for one of the many takes involving a multitude of small children paired with their mothers or grandmothers in family groups.  They wait patiently for the soldiers to march past. As they march past the actors, who have been given bunches of flowers are supposed to cheer and clap and throw the flowers at the soldiers. This is rewound and repeated a couple of times. The first few takes go very well. About 5 takes in, the flowers are trampled, everyone is hot and likely covered in ticks and the smallish natives are getting restless. A nearby family is overheard having the following conversation with their small child.

Small Child- “Grandma… will we be done soon? It’s hot”

Grandmother of Small Child- “Yes, we will be done soon. Just a few more times.”

SC- “Grandma…?”

GOSC-“Yes sweetheart?”

SC- “Grandma, there must be a lot of commercials in this movie, because we keep stopping.”

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

Season 7: Episode 4.3- The Spelling Lesson

On tonight’s episode of “Conversations With Small Children”… we observe a couple of parenting fails….the mother in the series is found cleaning up her sewing and crafting items in adjoining room to where the father is quizzing the small children on their spelling words.

The word few comes up.

To which the first child responds with. F…U…

Father says, “That’s not a nice thing to say. Try again.”

“F…U…,” says the child…

Father cannot quite seem to stifle his laughter and from the other room the mother giggles to herself. Until her gaze meets his and they both laugh loudly. Prompting the small child to repeat

“F…U…
F…U…
F…U… ”

over and over and over and over and over.

The mother goes back to her cleaning and overhears the next word “tool” being used in a sentence. Tool… like when your mother loses all of my tools… or sometimes your sister is a tool.

What have we found…

1. Father should not be allowed to do homework with the children….
2. Father is teaching his small child to be passive aggressive with her sister.

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

Season 6: Episode 1.15- It all began with “The Big News”

Tonight on this episode of the ongoing saga “Conversations With a Small Children.”

We find one of our two our six year old being informed that the family might not be going to Grandma’s house for Easter because Grandpa is having surgery the day after Easter.

Grandma isn’t sure she can adequately split time between grandchildren at home and Grandpa at the hospital. The older of the two six year olds decides it would be fine not to go to Grandma’s house and tells the family that she would rather spend the time blocked out for Grandma’s in Hawaii instead.

When the mother inquires why the six year old would like to go Hawaii the six year old responds… “Because I need to get some merchandise.”

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

Conversations With Small Children

I’ve been posting funny conversations with my two small children to my Facebook wall for sometime under the heading “Conversations With Small Children”. I decided I needed to branch out and actually blog all of these. More as a record for myself than for anyone else. If others can find some enjoyment through our conversations, then so much the better.

Enjoy!

 

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