Conversations With Small Children

From the mouths of babes…

Month: June, 2012

Rerun, Season 6: Episode 2.15 – The Ice Cream OD

Tonight on “Conversations With Small Children”… we find ourselves at local Ice Cream parlor where the two small girls have requested a double scoop cone.The parents acquiesce remembering the small two scoop cones of their day, prior to modern super-sizing of all things food related.

We fast forward through some dialogue and arrive at the inevitable moment when the sugar rampages through the bodies of the small children and completely takes control.

At which point the older of the two children applies the partially finished cone to her forehead and declares loudly from beneath the sticky veil of chocolate that shrouds her face… “I’M A UNICORN!!!” Laughter erupts from the table and the parents look at each other in utter disbelief. While the rest of the patrons in the store try to stifle their giggling.

During the drive home the parents contemplate whether this would be an appropriate circumstance in which to call 911 and the conversation that might have followed…

“911… what’s your emergency.”

“My child has overdosed.”

“Sir… calm down… can you tell me what they have taken?”


The parents decide that this might not be taken seriously and put the idea from their minds. About 4 minutes from the house they decide that the only course of action possible is to threaten the children with immediate shipment to Abu Dhabi…


OR… a bath and a one way ticket to bed as well as being cut off from that amount of ice cream for the rest of forever.

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse


Season 7: Episode 6.8 – Sharing is Caring

On today’s episode of “Conversations With Small Children.” We arrive on the scene just in time for lunch.  The small children were promised a delicious and gooey offering of grilled processed cheese product. What they actually received was turkey and Swiss with a side of applesauce pouches since Mother had just cleaned the kitchen and didn’t want to dirty another pan.

Mother has forgotten in her hurried preparation of the noon day meal that both of the small children do not, in fact, like Swiss Cheese. Swiss cheese is a rather loathed item. If one were to type “Infidel Cheese” into the images section of a search engine… one might find a photograph of this yodeling (neutral in war-time) dairy product. It would also be likely that the small children had placed it there for reasons known only to themselves.

Plates received. Offending cheese discarded after a rather poignant observation by one of the small children that the cheese looked an awful lot like Sponge Bob.


   Once the Turkey and Swiss  sandwiches were fully demolished by the small children they moved on to the Applesauce pouches. 

  If one has tried these ingenious little pre-packaged Applesauce delivery devices, one knows that half of the fun of the product is blowing up the package like a balloon after the applesauce has been consumed.

One of the small children sits on the couch and proceeds to rapidly blow up and then suck the air back out of the package as many times as is humanly possible in under 30 seconds.

The small child stops for a breath as the light-headedness begins to take hold. She grabs her head. Mother says “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.” The small child turns to her and says, “Because I’ll hyperventilate, right?!” Mother shakes her head. She was unaware that anyone really listened to anything she said. She is amused.

A few moments after lunch, the small children decide it’s time for dessert. They run to the freezer where Mother has stored the Frozen Yogurt Popsicles. As these popsicles come in two colors one of the small children informs her mother that the popsicles are to be eaten in a very specific “A, B pattern”. First a red one, then a purple one, then a red one, etc.

The first small child has returned to the living room with her purple popsicle unwrapped. As she’s espousing the theories of popsicle consumption by color, her sister interrupts with the news that there is now only one popsicle left. The first small child runs back into the kitchen to assess the situation, declares that their mother must have the last popsicle (to be perfectly fair), dumps her theory on patterns and decides she wants the remaining red popsicle instead of the purple one she had originally chosen.

The first small child returns to the living room grasping both popsicles. She thrusts the purple popsicle at her mother and proudly says. “Would you like a popsicle mom, I barely licked it!”

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

Season 7: Special Guests- In which they get nametags

A good friend has two small girls. They occasionally come to play at our house for the day when their parents are at work. Since my two small children are twins and they look SO much alike it can cause serious problems. This leads us to a guest post…

From the good friend-

My older small child informed me today that she would like to play with your small children. She then informed me that she will be making them name tags because she can’t remember who is who. I asked if she knew how to spell their names and she said, “Nope, maybe I will just draw a crown and a dinosaur, you know mom…princess and dinosaur…you know right?”.

Who wouldn’t want a name tag from this cutie pie?

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

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