Conversations With Small Children

From the mouths of babes…

Month: August, 2012

Rerun: Season 5 – Episode 9.5 – Sissy is a Rat

On this episode of Conversations With Small Children we find small children in the car with their mother making yet another trip to town. The small children are now in Kindergarten and busily chattering in the back seat. The mother inquires about school. Both children agreed that is was fun. Once again they both say they didn’t learn a thing. The sun begins going down over the fields in the countryside casting shadows on the road behind the car. Between town and home one of the two small children asks, “Mommy, why are there sunsets.”

Mother decides that now would be a bad time to go into in-depth scientific analysis so she says. “God paints them for us. He paints new ones every day and none of them are the same. He does the same thing with sunrises too, because He loves us.”

The small child who had asked the question ponders this for a moment and then says, “Well then He must have painted this one just for me!”

The mother’s heart warms and she says, “Well, what about sissy? Don’t you think God painted that sunset just for her too?”

“Nope!” replies the small child.

The other small child in the backseat scowls in her booster and stares out the window in the opposite direction of her sister, her little hands clenching into fists.

“Why not?” inquires the mother, “Don’t you think God loves her too?”

After a brief hesitation, the small child said “God painted that sunset just for me because I was really good at school today. He didn’t paint it for my sister because she was naughty and got a time out!”

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

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Rerun: From the Original Cast- It stuck

On this 80’s Episode of Conversations With Small Children… we find a mother and her 4 year old daughter home watching the Disney movie Pinocchio.

The small child seems befuddled by the small cricket that followed the little puppet boy around and helped him. She makes an inquiry…

“Mommy, what’s that bug?”, says the small child.

“He’s Pinocchio’s conscience.” replies the mother.

“What’s that?” asks the small child.

The mother, not quite sure what to say, replies, “It’s a little voice in your head that tells you not to do something when you’re about to do something wrong.”

And with that the small child nodded and went to play.

The mother, thinking that the explanation was beyond the understanding of the small child, assumed that the child would forget this lesson.

A few days later we find the child making a mess in the kitchen that had just been cleaned.
As the mother walks swiftly into the kitchen the small child looks up, realizes she is in DEEP yogurt and says,

“Mommy, don’t you hear that small voice in your head saying, don’t spank that little girl.”

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

Rerun- Season 6: Episode 5.5- Self Told Tales

The opening scene of this episode of Conversations With Small Children finds one of the small children still awake at 11 PM and the parents of the small children beside themselves with frustration. After being sent to bed several times the first of the small children still refuses to lie down. The conversation goes something like this-

Mother- I asked you several times to go to bed. It’s late and you’re way too tired. It’s time for bed. Let’s go.

Small Child- NO! I want a story!

M- You’re not getting a story. Go to bed.

SC- I WANT A STORY!!!!

M- You’re not getting a story it’s too late for that, you chose to play instead of get a story. Come on I’ll tuck you in.

SC- I WANT A STORY! I’M NOT GOING TO BED WITHOUT A STORY!

M- Yes you are!

SC- NO I’M NOT! I WANT A STORY!

This conversation is repeated over, and over, and over, and over for about 20 mins…

Finally…

Mother says nothing, but glances in the direction of the small child, indicating that she will not discuss the situation any further and that the small child should probably go to bed before the small child is packed into a box with tiny air holes  a snack and juice box and shipped via UPS to Abu Dhabi.

SC- FINE!

The small child stomps as loudly as she possibly can up the stairs and just when the parents think it’s safe to go back to their reading/tv/sewing/adult time the small child yells from the landing at the top of the stairs…

“ONCE UPON A TIME… THERE WERE TWO LITTLE GIRLS”

(and audible breath is heard)

“WHO HAD A REALLY… MEAN… MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!”

Dumbstruck and amused the parents of this small child stare at each other trying not to burst into fits of laughter.

“GOODNIGHT!” says the small child.

“Goodnight!” say the parents.

And with that, the small child disappears into her room. She cries a little.

Mother goes up the stairs and gives her small storyteller a kiss.

“We’ll try again tomorrow. I love you.” says the mother.

“I love you too mommy.” says the small child.

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

Rerun- Season 7: Episode 3.25- Invasion

On this episode of conversations with small children we find two little girls playing US Border Patrol. Guarding the US (our downstairs living area) from Canadian intruders (who apparently live in our kitchen!?!?) The father makes an attempt to go into the living room from the kitchen where he has just refilled his water glass.

“You can’t come in, you aren’t from Ohio” says one small child to the Canadian Invader disguised as her father.

“Yes, I am. But you aren’t. You were born in New Orleans.” replied the father of the small child.

The small child looks up from under her imaginary US Border Patrol desk and computer and says “yeah, New Orleans, Ohio”

“No,” her father says,”New Orleans, Louisiana.”

“Oh.” replies the small child…and in the seconds that followed this exchange the border between the US and Canada was compromised.

Yet again proving my theory that elementary school students would make horrible border patrol officers.

Copyright © 2012 TinyYellowHouse

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